The major thing revolved around the stakes of the story, which were pretty non-existant. The story (was) is about a man who dies and realizes heaven is a second chance to trascend ordinary and capture the life he's always wanted. Since he was already dead, the story lacked a certain, what's going to happen if he fails.
So, through discussion with a friend, we came up with the idea that maybe he's only tentitivly in heaven, and he could still go to hell. I added, what if he cheated on his wife, and since he broke a Commandment he has to complete seven labors to stay in heaven, or he'll be smote to hell. In the process, he captures a life more fulfilling than what he had on Earth.
Here's the first revision of what I call my story-idea:
STORY IDEA for UNTIL DEATH
Ryan Smith
One-liner: A man dies, and must complete seven labors in a liberal heaven to avoid being smote to hell.
Story synopsis: Bill dies. In a liberal heaven he must complete seven labors to avoid being sent to hell. Bill takes on these increasingly complex challenges, and in the process lives a more dynamic life than he had on Earth. When he fall in love with Georgia, a woman destined to become an angel, he compromises his virtuous goals, and is smote to hell. He climbs out of the pit, wins Georgia, and is repented. He's now living the life he always dreamed of.
One-liners:
· A man dies, and while avoiding being sent to hell, learns how to live.
· Perusing a life without regret.
Previous one-liners:
· A man transcends ordinary, turns his life around, and nails all the women he wants.
· Decides heaven is a second chance to party and get laid.
· Just a typical guy, wishing his wife were Paris Hilton.
Next up: probably working on the beat sheet, generating fresh ideas, and working out the rising tension of the story.
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