Writing in Scene (tip of the day)

I have a scene where the main character is caught by his boss using company resources in an ill-advised manor. I want to have an awkward pause between them, but I don't want to draw attention in the script to the writer by adding:


They stare awkwardly.

(Adjective--bad!) So what I did was this:


INT. COPY ROOM - GLOBAL MEDIA INC. - DAY

Jerry is at the fax machine. A paper is taped in a loop, sending an infinite fax.

Jerry’s boss walks by, stops. They stare at each other. No one talks. Jerry sips an iced coffee.


What do you think? I feel that the line, no one talks, gives a sense of an awkward beat, without invoking the writer too much.

In unrelated news, I received another rejection letter for a short story on February 25. Congrats to me.